Friday, February 26, 2010

Percy Jackson & True Blood - Box Sets

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New books! YAY! Super happy to have new books to read!
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Saturday, February 20, 2010

neutral is not an option

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how can one feel so lonely when surrounded by so many people?

why is it so quiet when there's so much mindless chatter going on around?

i realized i've been walking, looking straight ahead without looking around me.. and now when i do, i realized there is no one there beside me.

why am i caught in the middle? not belonging yet not welcome on either side.. each side thinking i am in the enemy camp. i'm sitting in no-man's land while fending off attacks from both sides. i am not bullet proof.

words hurt more than knife wounds...
"you're either with me, or against me"
so neutral is not an option? now being neutral means making enemies on BOTH sides. so the only way out is what?

i really don't know what is the correct thing to do anymore. if i do more than expected, i am accused of attracting attention and making my peers "look bad". if i do less than expected, i am slacking off. if i do what is expected, they still have something bad to say...

i can't put on a fake smile and 'hala-hala'. maybe being truthful, honest and showing your true feelings are disadvantages and no longer considered virtues.. so what shall i do? buy a mask and wear it everyday?

why can't they understand that i am out-shining them because they are not putting in effort, and instead of basking in the glory and working together, i am shunned and treated like a freak.

when i am concerned for them and afraid that they will get into trouble because of sloppy work in the beginning and i go and advice them what to do... well, i am labeled interfering and being haughty and nosy. or even worse, a poseur who pretends to be so smart and superior to others.

but when things get bad and i help them solve the problem, they take it for granted because i am the troubleshooter person to go to. whatever tat goes wrong, 1st person go to me cos i always have the answers or make the effort to find out the answers.

tat's all i am. a human google.

being unappreciated and not receiving what is worth my hard work and effort is already so disheartening.. now i'm being resented by my peers too?! what is this?

i can say i don't care what people say if i am taking a huge remuneration for my effort. but putting in so much effort for the SAME remuneration as others who don't bother, AND yet being resented really takes the cake.

on top of that, you may think that i can pour out my frustrations to someone i thot who really cares for me and is always there for me and shit... but all i get is "you deserve it" cos I CHOOSE to heap suffering on myself by being so involved and dedicated.

is it the social norm now to be heck-care and do what is asked and told and nothing more? so if i am paid $1000, i will do what is required and don't care about what is the consequences if I choose not to bother or be responsible becos after all, it's just $1000 and not $10,000?

so being responsible is a stupid thing? so the right thing to do is? work smart? bend the rules?

it's so scary to feel alone in a crowded room.

that's how i feel everyday.

sometimes i wonder what's the point of slogging so hard and putting all my energies into my work? neglecting all my friends who asked me out but always received the same reply from me "sorry need to do OT" or "sorry got travel fair need to work full shift" or so on... until now i don't even get smses from friends to ask me out... my phone has solely become an alarm clock.

my life is so pathetic.

i think i shall have to learn to rein in my bubbly-self and create a real bubble.

sorry for being so emo. just need to rant somewhere, and since there is no one to talk to cos i know people like to talk about their problems but not listen to people's problems...

That's why psychiatrist make so godamm much money by buying an expensive couch and sit there to listen to people talk.

alright. gotta go and read my storybooks. -- maybe i love reading cos it's quiet and there's no interaction. moreover i can lose myself in the worlds described in the books. imagination, that's gonna keep me sane for another while..
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Monday, February 1, 2010

Janice Mummy's Birthday!

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We bought an ultra cute pink Tasmania Devil birthday cake from Bengawan Solo... ^___^

My colleagues gave her a Guess wallet.. I bought her a Vivienne Tam "Save the Panda" pouch which is super limited edition and super cute. Very tempted to use it for myself... but as Wany and Pipimon says, I will turn it black within 24hours. (-___-")

Group picture! :)

Recently many people having their birthdays leh. A lot of my friends turning a "quarter century" old (25yrs)... next year is my turn liao.

When my mum was 25yrs old, I was in Kindergarten 2!
Oh wells.... :)
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