Monday, January 9, 2012

My sister is the only family I have.

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Brendan asked me yesterday, "Why does your sister call you Jappie?"

I think it sounds like Jap-pie like a short form for Japanese?

I really don't know how it started, maybe I should ask her.. but the pronunciation is "zeh-pee" like a cuter version of Jiejie..?

I read her blog and she dedicated a section to me, which is super sweet of her.


It's true that at one point in time I didn't really speak to her because of several reasons.
  1. She did not understand why I left home. Maybe she even blamed me for turning my back on her.. Moreover my dad was telling her bad things about me and maybe she kinda believed him.
  2. She was too young for me to confide in. It's difficult to share serious adult stuff with her. (and she's like so childish and innocent)
  3. She had her own life to lead without worrying about her elder sister's.
Most importantly, I distanced myself away from her to protect her. Living with a stepmother who has her own daughter and interests to protect is a major bitch. Especially if the woman hates your real blood elder sister. If she was close to me, her life will be even more miserable and her position in the family will be more precarious. 

It's also true that Pipimon kept quarreling with me whenever she comes to me for help and I always help her without fail or looking at the price or consequence. That's because after I helped her out of her fix, she will disappear from my life again until the next problem comes along. He felt that I shouldn't spoil her or even entertain her when she only comes to me when she needs help.

Once I spent almost a month's part-time pay check on a Sony Digital camera for her birthday present cos she really wanted a digicam and I wanted to buy something that is good and not those cheap substandard ones. Thing was, she borrowed it to her stepmother for a holiday.. and that's a double whammy cos firstly I spent so much on it for her while barely making ends meet (this was when I was still studying in SIM), and she actually borrowed it to the witch! Pipimon and I had such a huge fight over it, I nearly slapped him because he was so fucking sarcastic and said so many bad things about my sister. Wait.. I think I did slapped him.. I can't really remember.

I know it sounds contradicting since I turned my back on my family and moved out.. but, "what are family for?". Of course, being the logical sound person I am, I value family kinship with terms and conditions. I don't blindly follow protocol or let my life to be dictate by a bunch of people who are blood related to me yet treat me like shit just because they think they have the right to.

My sister is the youngest out of the 3 siblings. She was always bullied as a child by my younger brother and mother and there's no one in the family who stood up for her except me. I felt responsible for her. She looked up to me, respected me and even worshiped me (at one point, I was like a God to her). Though she had my brother with her in her new family and home, my brother is a selfish bastard who will look out for his own interests first and foremost before helping anyone else.

I do crave for family love.. for a good husband to take care of me, for a loving family relationship with my in-laws and also start my own family.. but for now, all I have is my sister and I will never ever forsake our relationship for anyone or anything. 

She is still young and needs time to grow and sort out her thinking.. and who knows.. once she has a boyfriend she will disappear again, but I will always be here waiting to catch her when she stumbles or fall.

I love you too Puichi! :)

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